El jubilado infernal

El jubilado infernal

Podría ser tu abuelo… ¡o tu padre! El jubilado infernal sale de caza con bastón y pantuflas. Aspira la brisa matutina buscando un rastro de alquitrán fresco, aguza el oído intentando localizar el ronroneo de una hormigonera… Y cuando da con su presa… ¡ataca!

JubiladoInfernal1.jpgNo me mires, no me mires, nomenomenome mires

El pensionista diabólico actúa sólo o en manada. Los grupos de riesgo en este caso son, sobre todo, albañiles y conductores inexpertos. El jubilado se engancha a la primera valla amarilla que encuentra y MIRA. Su paciencia es inagotable: mirará, mirará y seguirá mirando, con un gesto cercano al desdén que puede transformar, en décimas de segundo si acaso alguien le pregunta qué leches está mirando, en desarmante inocencia septuagenaria. Tú, entre tanto, te sientes observado, comienzas a perder el control y cometes pequeños errores: dejas la radial encendida, sepultas vivos a tus compañeros en cemento fresco… Deslices que en otras circunstancias no tendrían mayor peso pero que la mirada inmisericorde del jubilado convierte en crímenes contra la humanidad.

Érase una vez la muerte

No hay más explicación para este comportamiento que la propia naturaleza humana y el desarrollo normal del individuo en sociedad. Así somos: de niños apedreamos en el patio al que lleva gafas, de jovencitos quemamos indigentes en cajeros y cabinas de teléfonos, cuando nos hacemos adultos responsables obedecemos diligentemente a la autoridad y abrimos todas las manivelas de cámara de gas que haga falta, y al llegar la jubilación, nos aferramos a una valla amarilla para lanzar mal de ojo a los que siguen currando. Comparado con las distracciones propias del resto de edades, el pasatiempo del jubilado infernal no parece tan terrible…

Oh, inconsciente juventud…

Aun así… cuando te vigila y cometes el primer error, ya estás perdido. Porque da paso a la segunda fase del ataque: los comentarios. Supongamos que estabas intentando aparcar en una cuesta y, enervado por la mirada del pensionista, que está quieto en la esquina y no se va a mover de allí hasta que termines, has reventado a la vecina contra un contenedor de basura. Tampoco es para tanto, ¿no? Pasa todos los días, ¿verdad? Ah, pero el jubilado infernal huele tu nerviosismo y se lanza a comentar la jugada con el primero que pasa: “Si es que tiene que pisar más cuando suelta el embrague”, “Yo no me explico cómo se lía tanto la juventud, con estos coches de hoy en día que lo hacen todo solos”…

El olor de aluminio al amanecer

El destino de la víctima de un jubilado infernal es triste: casa de reposo en el mejor de los casos, manicomio, y a menudo suicidio, sea arrojándose desde la octava planta de un edificio en construcción, o aspirando con una manguera los gases del tubo de escape del coche, si acaso aún queda tubo de escape después de embestir a la vecina. Poco se puede hacer para evitarlo. Hay quien ha intentando despistarles pintando las típicas vallas amarillas de obra de otro color, pero no ha funcionado: el polvo en el aire, el ruido de las máquinas y el hecho de que se vea una obra al otro lado de la valla resta eficacia al camuflaje. Así el panorama, no podemos recomendar más que serenidad… y a ser posible, jubilación anticipada.


You may also like...

59 Responses

  1. curry shoes dice:

    I am also commenting to make you understand of the fantastic experience my cousin’s daughter experienced viewing your web site. She came to understand such a lot of pieces, most notably what it’s like to have a marvelous coaching character to make a number of people quite simply learn about some problematic things. You truly did more than people’s expected results. Thank you for offering these precious, trustworthy, explanatory not to mention easy guidance on that topic to Sandra.

  2. Needed to compose you a very little note to be able to give thanks the moment again for these fantastic views you have contributed in this article. It was certainly incredibly open-handed of people like you to present easily precisely what most people would’ve offered as an e book to earn some money for their own end, certainly since you could have done it if you wanted. These secrets as well acted like the great way to fully grasp that the rest have the identical zeal like mine to know a good deal more in terms of this issue. I am sure there are many more pleasant situations ahead for individuals that scan through your blog.

  3. I and my buddies happened to be looking through the good pointers on your website and all of a sudden got a terrible feeling I had not thanked the blog owner for them. These men came consequently warmed to study them and have in effect without a doubt been enjoying those things. Thanks for getting considerably considerate and then for making a decision on this sort of decent subjects most people are really needing to understand about. My honest regret for not expressing gratitude to sooner.

  4. jordan 13 dice:

    A lot of thanks for every one of your hard work on this blog. My mother delights in setting aside time for research and it’s easy to understand why. My partner and i hear all regarding the powerful means you produce rewarding secrets through the web site and in addition cause participation from website visitors about this area plus our favorite princess is without question becoming educated a great deal. Enjoy the rest of the new year. You’re doing a useful job.

  5. curry shoes dice:

    Needed to write you this little bit of observation to help say thanks a lot over again on the superb suggestions you’ve contributed on this page. It is certainly seriously generous with people like you to provide without restraint exactly what many people might have distributed as an e book in making some bucks on their own, chiefly since you could have tried it if you considered necessary. These tactics in addition served like a easy way to fully grasp other people online have a similar passion similar to my personal own to realize great deal more on the topic of this matter. I believe there are thousands of more pleasurable times in the future for individuals that read through your blog post.

  6. moncler dice:

    I am also writing to make you be aware of of the perfect encounter my wife’s girl developed browsing your blog. She realized many details, with the inclusion of what it’s like to have an incredible giving heart to let men and women without problems gain knowledge of selected advanced issues. You undoubtedly did more than our expectations. I appreciate you for distributing those powerful, trustworthy, revealing not to mention easy tips about this topic to Jane.

  7. air jordan dice:

    My husband and i ended up being absolutely satisfied that Edward managed to finish up his researching using the ideas he was given in your site. It’s not at all simplistic just to be giving freely thoughts which often the others may have been selling. We really acknowledge we now have the writer to appreciate because of that. The most important illustrations you have made, the easy blog navigation, the relationships you will aid to promote – it is everything excellent, and it’s really aiding our son in addition to us consider that that subject matter is enjoyable, which is certainly rather fundamental. Thank you for everything!

  8. My wife and i were absolutely fulfilled when Raymond managed to carry out his web research with the ideas he made using your site. It’s not at all simplistic just to happen to be giving for free helpful tips most people might have been selling. And we all acknowledge we have the blog owner to give thanks to for that. The entire explanations you have made, the easy blog navigation, the relationships you will aid to foster – it’s got mostly astounding, and it’s really leading our son and us understand this idea is fun, which is particularly mandatory. Thanks for all the pieces!

  9. A lot of thanks for all your labor on this web page. My daughter delights in working on investigations and it’s really easy to see why. We know all relating to the dynamic tactic you render practical things on the web site and as well inspire participation from other people on the area plus my girl is actually discovering so much. Have fun with the remaining portion of the year. You have been doing a superb job.

Deja un comentario

Tu dirección de correo electrónico no será publicada. Los campos necesarios están marcados *

Puedes usar las siguientes etiquetas y atributos HTML: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>