Cosas que hacen que la vida valga la pena. Las flores. Las mariposas. Meterse con Michael Jackson. “Mira, si no le queda ni nariz, ese sale a la calle lloviendo y se ahoga”. “Mira, mira cómo se derrite, lo que pasa es que se ha hecho extirpar quirúrgicamente el pellejo y lo ha sustituido con cera de embalsamador”.
¿Es que la gente no tiene nada mejor de que ocuparse que la progresiva licuación en vida de un pobre hombre hipermultimillonario?
De cómo se descompone la cordura
Hay diversos niveles de Jacksonofobia, cada cual de mayor peligrosidad social.
El Jacksonófobo casual, que, acodado en la barra del bar mientras se deja lobotomizar mansamente por el telediario, deja caer algún comentario despectivo sobre la repugnancia física que le provoca Michael Jackson para acto seguido sacarse de entre las muelas un jirón de choto de la cena de anoche con el filo plastificado del DNI.
El Jacksonófobo comprometido, que compra sus discos con religiosa puntualidad y, entre golpes de pelvis (una mano en la bragueta, la otra apuntando al cielo) y agudos ju-ju-jus, asegura a quien quiera escucharle que la decadencia moral de Michael camina pareja a la artística.
El Jacksonófobo militante, que acude a sus conciertos para abuchearle, va de puerta en puerta con una sonrisa post-taxidermia repartiendo panfletos sobre la caída inminente del falso profeta (lo cual debe ocurrir tarde o temprano: ese es el peligro que tiene deslizar los botines hacia atrás por el borde del escenario), y cada diez o veinte años se reúne con otros fieles en un búnker esperando que, por fin, Michael muestre sus diez cuernos y siete cabezas.
We are the world, we are the zombies
Michael es, de hecho, el último santo varón laico al que nos podemos agarrar los amargados de a pie. Como el crío pecoso al que abofeteábamos cariñosamente en el patio del colegio cuando nos suspendían en naturales, Michael es una válvula de escape sabiamente dispuesta por la providencia para mantener el equilibrio del ecosistema. Por mal que te vaya en la vida, Michael siempre estará allí, con todo el dinero y todo el desconsuelo del mundo, dispuesto a recibir tu bofetada (telepática) cariñosa. Seamos, pues, responsables y preservémoslo, que luego alteramos el ecosistema y todo son plagas de medusas.
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