El casting español de Benedicto XVI

titulo3.jpg

19 de Abril de 2005. Ciudad del Vaticano.

Muerto el Papa Juan Pablo II, el cónclave de obispos busca desesperadamente un sucesor que tenga el mismo tirón mediático.

El elegido fue Joseph Alois Ratzinger, hoy Benedicto XVI, pero pocos saben que hubo otros candidatos al puesto que se lo pusieron muy difícil… y que eran españoles.

Hoy, en Aquí hay cochambre, el expediente secreto de los papables españoles, ¡por primera vez al descubierto!
papenezlosantos.jpgPapa Jiménez Losantos

pros:

  • Iluminado por la luz divina, ve lo que nadie más puede ver
  • Es Uno de los nuestros(TM)

contras:

  • En su puesto actual, sirve a un fin más alto

papatero.jpgPapatero

pros

  • Fácil de convencer
  • Podemos reformarlo a nuestra imagen y semejanza
  • Dice a todo que sí

contras:

  • Dice a todos que sí
  • Anda con malas compañías

papagones.jpg Papagonés

pros:

  • No es esclavo de sus palabras
  • Usa un leguaje llano, cercano al vulgo:
  • La iglesia es asín
  • No hay pecado pequeño
  • El Apocalipsis son once contra once
  • Usté va a ir a ese tal Satán y le va a decir: “Oigame, rojo de mierda, yo soy mejor que usté”

contras:

  • Tiene contrato en vigor con otro equipo

paponcin.jpg Paponcín

pros:

  • Tiene un claro concepto de lo que está bien y lo que está mal (ya se trate de una compleja cuestión ética, o de a quién se debe expulsar de un reality)
  • Acostumbrado a pontificar

contras:

  • Litros de alcohol corrieron por sus venas, mujer
  • Esa extraña alergia a la palabra “manta”
  • Demasiado dogmático, hasta para nosotros

paparl.jpg ¡Paparl!

pros:

  • En su caso, el chiste es lo de menos, lo importante es cómo lo cuenta
  • Canta, baila y da esplendor

contras:

  • Ya tiene muchos “bolos” contratados para el verano

Moraleja: De no ser por los bolos de Chiquito, los dogmas de Ramoncín, o si el Mundial se jugase en Marzo, hoy tendríamos un Papa español.

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99 Responses

  1. Si tuviéramos un Páparlll Chikito, no estaría tan mal visto contar chistes sobre homosexuales ( esto é un gorila mariquita que va y…).

  2. Ernesto J. Herrera dice:

    Respeto a los creyentes. ¿Es mucho pedir?

  3. marr dice:

    No veo en qué podría ofender este artículo a un creyente. No me negará que son todos excelentes candidatos.
    Claro, que si a dicho creyente le ofende que se relacione al amigo Jiménez Losantos con la Iglesia Católica, puedo entenderlo.

  4. Ernesto J. Herrera dice:

    Don Federico es uno de los pocos adalides que nos quedan a los verdaderos creyentes. Ya señaló en su día a ese socialista travestido, Gallardón, que ha descubierto su verdadera cara bendiciendo un matrimonio homosexual pese a la condena de la Iglesia y su partido.

  5. Nitsuga dice:

    Se olvidan de:

    Pio LIM

    Papa Aliña I

    Popalio LXIX

    Y el auténtico “Beni XVI” victima y martir del bromuro que tomo en su época épica.

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