19 de Abril de 2005. Ciudad del Vaticano.
Muerto el Papa Juan Pablo II, el cónclave de obispos busca desesperadamente un sucesor que tenga el mismo tirón mediático.
El elegido fue Joseph Alois Ratzinger, hoy Benedicto XVI, pero pocos saben que hubo otros candidatos al puesto que se lo pusieron muy difícil… y que eran españoles.
Hoy, en Aquí hay cochambre, el expediente secreto de los papables españoles, ¡por primera vez al descubierto!
Papa Jiménez Losantos
pros:
- Iluminado por la luz divina, ve lo que nadie más puede ver
- Es Uno de los nuestros(TM)
contras:
- En su puesto actual, sirve a un fin más alto
Papatero
pros
- Fácil de convencer
- Podemos reformarlo a nuestra imagen y semejanza
- Dice a todo que sí
contras:
- Dice a todos que sí
- Anda con malas compañías
Papagonés
pros:
- No es esclavo de sus palabras
- Usa un leguaje llano, cercano al vulgo:
- La iglesia es asín
- No hay pecado pequeño
- El Apocalipsis son once contra once
- Usté va a ir a ese tal Satán y le va a decir: “Oigame, rojo de mierda, yo soy mejor que usté”
contras:
- Tiene contrato en vigor con otro equipo
Paponcín
pros:
- Tiene un claro concepto de lo que está bien y lo que está mal (ya se trate de una compleja cuestión ética, o de a quién se debe expulsar de un reality)
- Acostumbrado a pontificar
contras:
- Litros de alcohol corrieron por sus venas, mujer
- Esa extraña alergia a la palabra “manta”
- Demasiado dogmático, hasta para nosotros
¡Paparl!
pros:
- En su caso, el chiste es lo de menos, lo importante es cómo lo cuenta
- Canta, baila y da esplendor
contras:
- Ya tiene muchos “bolos” contratados para el verano
Moraleja: De no ser por los bolos de Chiquito, los dogmas de Ramoncín, o si el Mundial se jugase en Marzo, hoy tendríamos un Papa español.
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