¿Cómo se transforma un chaval inofensivo, de esos que entretienen sus tardes en dulces pasatiempos como quemar moscas con una lupa, en una criatura maligna y del todo desprovista de humanidad? La escalofriante respuesta cuelga de una percha en el fondo del armario, envuelta en una funda de plástico, con relucientes botones en forma de ancla…
Caronte vestido de marinerito
El niño, una vez enfundado en su uniforme protofascista, comienza a experimentar una serie de trastornos psicológicos. Antes, miraba a las nubes y jugaba a imaginar animales en sus formas difusas. Ahora, sueña un cielo surcado por los bombarderos de su ejército personal, preñados de regalos nucleares. Ayer corría feliz al colegio con los zapatos nuevos, ansioso por presumir de ellos ante sus amigos. Hoy, marcha con sonrisa tétrica a la iglesia, imaginando cuánto más brillarían sus botas si sus compis las lustrasen con la lengua.
El experimento del carcelero
La psicología social ha ensayado versiones de laboratorio del fenómeno: experimentos en la universidad que empezaban casi como un juego, con un grupo de estudiantes representando a los presos y otro a los carceleros, y terminaban al borde de la catástrofe, desatado el sadismo de los guardianes y reducidos a humillante sumisión los reos. Si esto ocurre con adultos… ¿no es lógico que sea mucho mayor el efecto en tiernos chiquillos sin una personalidad formada? Y pensar que son sus propias madres quienes desean verlos encarnando la edición de bolsillo de Himmler…
El horror enmarcado en oro
Felizmente, para la mayoría no es más que una fase que pasa y queda atrás. Después de un día de frenesí neonazi, haciendo desfilar el paso de la oca a los niños en la zona de juegos del merendero donde se celebra el convite, vociferando un insólito alemán cuando la tía Alicia nos pellizca el moflete y empujando a nuestra prima gordita al charco de barro del aparcamiento, volvemos a casa y nos despojamos del uniforme. Y la transformación se invierte. Al día siguiente volvemos a ser el zagal desenfadado de siempre, y jugamos a las canicas con los amigos, cambiamos cromos y empujamos a la gordita de la clase al charco de barro del patio.
Queda, como recuerdo de ese día oscuro de nuestra vida, un retrato en la pared del salón de la casa de nuestros padres desde donde nos observan, rodeados de querubines dorados y otros motivos bucólicos, los ojos vidriosos de un chaval que jugó a beberse la sangre y comerse la carne de un Mesías crucificado. ¡Se dice pronto!
¡Es verdá! Yo nunca tuve ganas de matar a nadie hasta que fui a catequesis.
Y después de la comunión, matar me parecía poco.
A los Borricos Alfalfa.
Se aplica como subrayado final, a las personas torpes o testarudas (>), cuando no entienden algo que es evidente y se rehúsa, por cansancio, a insistir en más explicaciones.
…Y con la Primera y Última Comunión,…¡con cuidado!,…hay que ser respetuosos,con dividendos para el país,de los futuros clientes de los “Botellódromos”.Tesis basada en el film “No desearás al vecino que juega mucho al quinto”…
Cada vez que voy a casa de mi madre y me veo en esa foto de la primera comunión me doy miedo y mucha vergüenza a la vez.
Si,si,siiii. Es el momento en que comprendes que quieres ser actor, cuando miras el paño del cristo y el fotógrafo aprovecha para sacar la foto de su vida, la de todos los pobres inocentes.
Los niños de comunión pueden ser inquietantes, pero las fotos son aun peores. Siempre recuerdo con un escalofrío aquel tebeo (escrito por 666 Hose y dibujado por López Rubiño) que narraba la revuelta contra la humanidad de las fotos de primera comunión… Terrorífico.
Dios santo todavía hay gente que se acuerda de aquello.
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