Esto del fin del mundo lleva ya como cinco años de retraso, y a poco que se descuide se va a poner en los seis, en los siete y en los no se sabe cuántos.
Según la secta a la que pertenezca uno, el Apocalipsis es como el horizonte que nunca se alcanza. Lo esperas con toda tu ilusión reunido con los hermanos de fe, comprensiblemente felices por haber sido elegidos para salvaros mientras vuestros vecinos agonizan bajo lenguas de fuego, en especial el tipo ese del 4ºB que carraspea cuando te saluda, como si le dieses asco o algo.
Y el Apocalipsis, como un Mr. Marshall cualquiera, pasa de largo.
Y el tiempo, que no se para.
Y un día resulta que te detectas un bulto raro debajo de la axila, y lo siguiente que ocurre es que estás metido en un ataúd y si pudieras oír, oirías al vecino del 4ºB carraspear para decirle a tu viuda que la acompaña en el sentimiento.
¿Es eso justo? No, no lo es. Si lo único que querías era que toda la humanidad excepto tus correligionarios sucumbiera a plagas y horrores inimaginables. Tampoco era pedir tanto.
No obstante, hay consuelo de tontos. Lo que sigue es una galería de profetas y profecías que, como el tuyo propio, fallaron miserablemente a la hora de dar fecha al fin del mundo.
Johannes von Klupzt fue un visionario austriaco del siglo XVIII que, durante un periodo de intensas fiebres, escribió una serie de cuartetas en las que profetizaba una pandemia catastrófica que acabaría con la especie humana. No se trataría de una enfermedad conocida entonces, sino de una dolencia insólita que impulsaría a los afectados a proferir continuamente una peculiar expresión, “vaserquenó”, contagiándose los unos a los otros para desesperación de los inmunes, cuya rabia cada vez mayor acabaría provocando la guerra de todos contra todos y la hecatombe subsiguiente. Esto, de acuerdo con Von Klupzt, ocurriría entre 1814 y 1836. Obviamente, falló.
A Piero Cartulino, campesino lombardo, se le apareció la Virgen en 1789 para revelarle que en breve Francia sufriría una conmoción que pronto se extendería al resto del mundo causando el Apocalipsis. Un burgués avispado venido de las colonias americanas de Inglaterra compraría la Bastilla para derribarla y construir en su lugar una taberna donde serviría bollitos sintéticos rellenos de carne de (supuesta) ternera acompañados de un pliego con patatas fritas en grasa maloliente. A pesar de la pésima calidad de su comida, una brillante labor promocional apoyada en la figura de un bufón siniestro empujaría a todos los hambrientos de París, con la bendición de María Antonieta, a gastar sus ínfimos ahorros en la taberna. En poco tiempo dicho modelo de taberna se propagaría por el globo provocando la muerte por trombosis coronaria de toda la humanidad. Salta a la vista que no ha sido así.
P’u Sung-Ching, funcionario chino nacido en 1804, recibió en su casa de los bosques la visita de una mariposa triste que, llorando amargamente, le hizo saber cuál sería el fin de los hombres. Exactamente 13 años después de su visita se harían populares una serie de canciones mortíferas que provocarían en quienes las oyesen una fulminante licuación de los sesos, que se derramarían por las orejas como el caño de agua pura de una fuente. La mariposa quiso decirle cuáles serían esas canciones, pero se guardó de cantarlas enteras para evitarle a P’u Sung-Ching su horrible efecto. De lo poco que le cantó, el funcionario anotó lo siguiente: “escansióndel almamía”, “quetetenga llenitalanevera” y otros galimatías incomprensibles.
Ilustraciones: Miguel Ángel Parra
Thank you so much for giving everyone such a remarkable possiblity to discover important secrets from this site. It is always so enjoyable and packed with amusement for me and my office acquaintances to visit your website at a minimum thrice per week to read through the latest things you will have. And indeed, we are certainly fascinated for the fabulous pointers served by you. Some 2 ideas in this post are surely the best we’ve had.
I am only writing to let you know of the perfect experience our child developed going through the blog. She figured out lots of issues, most notably what it is like to have an incredible helping heart to make others easily have an understanding of chosen tortuous subject matter. You actually did more than our own expected results. Many thanks for producing such powerful, safe, educational and also fun tips on your topic to Kate.
самоходный ножничный подъемник
I must express my thanks to the writer for rescuing me from this trouble. Because of checking throughout the internet and getting proposals which were not productive, I thought my entire life was done. Being alive without the approaches to the difficulties you have sorted out through the blog post is a crucial case, and the kind which might have in a wrong way damaged my entire career if I had not encountered your blog post. Your own personal talents and kindness in controlling a lot of stuff was priceless. I am not sure what I would have done if I had not encountered such a point like this. I’m able to at this point look forward to my future. Thank you very much for your impressive and result oriented guide. I will not think twice to propose the website to anyone who should have care about this issue.
My husband and i felt quite glad Raymond could finish off his preliminary research because of the ideas he made using your web page. It’s not at all simplistic just to happen to be handing out solutions which often men and women have been making money from. And we also figure out we need the blog owner to give thanks to for that. The type of explanations you’ve made, the easy blog navigation, the relationships you aid to promote – it is mostly unbelievable, and it is facilitating our son and our family reason why the topic is pleasurable, and that is tremendously important. Many thanks for all!
I as well as my pals were actually examining the best hints found on your website and then immediately I got a horrible suspicion I never expressed respect to the web site owner for those secrets. The men were certainly excited to learn them and have actually been tapping into these things. I appreciate you for actually being quite accommodating as well as for settling on this form of notable resources millions of individuals are really desirous to be informed on. Our honest regret for not expressing gratitude to sooner.
I simply wanted to say thanks again. I’m not certain the things I might have used in the absence of the actual advice revealed by you directly on this situation. It was a terrifying case for me personally, nevertheless considering the specialised tactic you handled it took me to jump with gladness. I’m thankful for this assistance and in addition have high hopes you are aware of a powerful job you have been doing instructing most people through the use of a site. I know that you’ve never encountered any of us.
I wanted to compose a note to be able to thank you for these stunning tips and tricks you are writing on this site. My long internet lookup has at the end of the day been recognized with reliable tips to share with my classmates and friends. I ‘d say that most of us website visitors are really lucky to dwell in a really good place with so many outstanding people with helpful points. I feel pretty grateful to have used your entire webpage and look forward to some more pleasurable moments reading here. Thanks a lot once again for a lot of things.
I am also commenting to let you be aware of what a remarkable experience my wife’s girl found going through your webblog. She figured out several issues, not to mention what it is like to have an excellent coaching spirit to let others clearly gain knowledge of chosen complicated topics. You undoubtedly exceeded her expectations. Thanks for offering such great, dependable, edifying and cool thoughts on this topic to Jane.
Thanks a lot for giving everyone remarkably nice possiblity to read critical reviews from here. It is usually very pleasing and packed with a great time for me personally and my office fellow workers to visit your website more than three times in 7 days to read through the newest guides you have got. And lastly, I’m actually happy concerning the mind-blowing things you serve. Some 4 points in this post are indeed the most efficient we’ve had.
I want to voice my passion for your kind-heartedness giving support to people who really want assistance with your study. Your real dedication to getting the solution along appears to be rather valuable and has really encouraged most people much like me to realize their aims. This interesting help signifies a lot to me and substantially more to my colleagues. Best wishes; from each one of us.
Thank you a lot for providing individuals with a very breathtaking opportunity to check tips from here. It really is very sweet and as well , full of fun for me and my office co-workers to search your blog more than 3 times in one week to learn the latest tips you have got. Of course, we are always contented with all the impressive tactics served by you. Some 1 ideas in this article are in fact the most effective we’ve had.
I want to express my love for your kindness supporting people that really want assistance with this one question. Your real commitment to getting the message around ended up being quite important and have always encouraged men and women much like me to attain their objectives. This insightful guideline can mean so much to me and a whole lot more to my office colleagues. Thank you; from everyone of us.
My spouse and i have been quite fulfilled when Michael managed to finish off his studies through the entire precious recommendations he obtained while using the site. It’s not at all simplistic to just always be giving out methods which often many others have been selling. And now we remember we need you to thank for this. Most of the explanations you have made, the easy site menu, the friendships you aid to instill – it is most excellent, and it’s making our son and the family do think the theme is fun, which is quite fundamental. Thanks for the whole thing!
I must point out my passion for your kind-heartedness giving support to individuals who should have help on this subject. Your very own commitment to passing the solution all over became pretty interesting and has continuously helped workers like me to arrive at their aims. Your new warm and helpful facts signifies a great deal a person like me and even more to my office colleagues. Thank you; from everyone of us.
I wish to point out my passion for your kindness for women who need help with your topic. Your special dedication to getting the message all through became incredibly insightful and has constantly helped folks much like me to realize their objectives. Your amazing warm and friendly hints and tips signifies this much to me and somewhat more to my fellow workers. Regards; from everyone of us.
Thanks so much for providing individuals with such a nice opportunity to check tips from this site. It’s usually very amazing and full of a lot of fun for me and my office co-workers to search your site really three times in 7 days to study the new stuff you have. And definitely, we are at all times impressed with your great methods served by you. Some 3 points in this post are unquestionably the most effective we have all ever had.
I am writing to let you be aware of of the magnificent experience my princess obtained viewing your blog. She figured out a wide variety of things, not to mention what it’s like to possess a marvelous coaching character to let many others without problems completely grasp chosen complex matters. You actually surpassed my expectations. Thank you for showing such good, trustworthy, edifying not to mention unique guidance on the topic to Emily.
I’m commenting to make you know what a helpful experience our child obtained reading through your blog. She discovered a lot of details, which included what it’s like to possess a marvelous giving character to make a number of people with no trouble know a variety of multifaceted matters. You really exceeded people’s desires. Thanks for producing these good, trustworthy, explanatory and also cool tips about the topic to Tanya.
I simply needed to say thanks once more. I’m not certain what I might have carried out without these advice contributed by you on such a situation. It previously was a very frustrating problem in my view, however , viewing this skilled fashion you handled it forced me to cry over gladness. I am happier for the advice and in addition hope you realize what a powerful job you are carrying out educating some other people by way of your web blog. I’m certain you have never met all of us.
I have to point out my respect for your generosity for those people who should have help with in this subject. Your very own dedication to getting the solution all over ended up being quite practical and has encouraged professionals just like me to realize their aims. Your personal valuable publication can mean so much a person like me and somewhat more to my mates. Best wishes; from all of us.
I would like to show my thanks to this writer for rescuing me from this incident. Just after exploring through the the net and seeing ways that were not beneficial, I was thinking my entire life was done. Living without the presence of answers to the problems you have sorted out as a result of the short article is a critical case, and ones which may have adversely damaged my career if I had not come across your website. Your main knowledge and kindness in maneuvering almost everything was invaluable. I am not sure what I would’ve done if I had not encountered such a step like this. I’m able to at this point look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot very much for your impressive and effective help. I will not hesitate to endorse your blog to anybody who will need care about this issue.
I’m just writing to make you understand of the brilliant experience my girl had using your webblog. She mastered so many details, which included how it is like to have an amazing coaching spirit to let others completely gain knowledge of several extremely tough matters. You really did more than my desires. Many thanks for distributing the effective, healthy, educational and also easy tips about the topic to Emily.
I really wanted to develop a simple note in order to appreciate you for these fabulous points you are writing at this website. My extensive internet look up has finally been recognized with useful facts and strategies to write about with my colleagues. I ‘d assert that most of us visitors are extremely fortunate to live in a fine site with many lovely professionals with good techniques. I feel rather fortunate to have encountered the web site and look forward to many more thrilling moments reading here. Thanks once more for a lot of things.
Thanks a lot for giving everyone an exceptionally marvellous chance to read in detail from this site. It is always so excellent and as well , full of fun for me personally and my office mates to visit your web site minimum 3 times weekly to learn the newest secrets you have. And of course, I’m just at all times fulfilled with all the unbelievable knowledge you serve. Selected two facts in this article are in truth the most efficient I have ever had.
I simply wished to say thanks yet again. I do not know the things that I would’ve worked on in the absence of the entire creative concepts revealed by you regarding such a area. This was a real challenging difficulty in my view, nevertheless spending time with your specialized approach you dealt with it forced me to cry with contentment. I’m grateful for your support and in addition have high hopes you comprehend what an amazing job you are always doing teaching people today thru a site. I’m certain you have never come across all of us.
I enjoy you because of each of your work on this site. Ellie take interest in making time for investigations and it is easy to see why. All of us notice all concerning the powerful ways you give effective thoughts via your blog and in addition improve participation from website visitors on that article and my child is truly starting to learn a lot of things. Take pleasure in the rest of the new year. Your carrying out a powerful job.
I have to get across my respect for your generosity for persons that must have help with your concern. Your real commitment to getting the solution along had been pretty powerful and have in every case permitted guys and women much like me to reach their objectives. This warm and helpful tips and hints indicates a great deal a person like me and further more to my peers. Warm regards; from everyone of us.
I am just writing to make you understand of the excellent discovery our princess encountered reading your blog. She even learned so many pieces, which include what it is like to possess a very effective helping mood to have other folks effortlessly master several specialized subject areas. You undoubtedly exceeded readers’ expectations. I appreciate you for imparting these necessary, healthy, explanatory and also cool tips on this topic to Sandra.
I wanted to draft you that bit of word to finally thank you very much yet again considering the marvelous strategies you have discussed in this case. This has been certainly shockingly generous of people like you giving extensively all that many of us could have supplied as an e book to help make some bucks on their own, principally now that you could have done it if you ever wanted. The creative ideas as well served to be a fantastic way to fully grasp the rest have the same desire just as my very own to learn a little more on the subject of this problem. I believe there are numerous more fun times in the future for those who read carefully your blog post.
I simply wished to appreciate you all over again. I’m not certain what I would have done in the absence of the type of tricks documented by you over such subject. It actually was the daunting circumstance in my view, however , being able to view the very well-written manner you processed that forced me to weep for fulfillment. Now i’m happier for the advice and as well , sincerely hope you recognize what a powerful job your are undertaking training some other people through your websites. Most likely you haven’t got to know any of us.
Needed to compose you the little bit of remark to be able to give many thanks over again on your pretty things you’ve shared here. It’s certainly particularly open-handed of people like you to supply without restraint what exactly many of us could have advertised as an electronic book to earn some cash on their own, most importantly now that you might well have tried it if you desired. The secrets in addition served to be a great way to realize that some people have the identical keenness much like mine to figure out a lot more with respect to this condition. I know there are several more fun times in the future for many who check out your blog.
My spouse and i got now ecstatic that Raymond managed to round up his studies while using the precious recommendations he was given while using the site. It is now and again perplexing to just possibly be offering techniques that many people today could have been trying to sell. So we remember we have got the writer to give thanks to for that. The most important explanations you have made, the easy blog navigation, the friendships you will give support to create – it’s all remarkable, and it is making our son in addition to our family know that this subject is excellent, which is certainly incredibly essential. Thank you for all!
I precisely wished to thank you very much once again. I do not know the things that I would’ve accomplished without these strategies shown by you over my field. It had become a terrifying setting in my opinion, however , noticing a new specialized fashion you dealt with that forced me to jump with delight. Now i am thankful for this help and then trust you are aware of a great job you were getting into educating the mediocre ones all through your web blog. I’m certain you haven’t come across all of us.
I must show some appreciation to you for bailing me out of such a condition. Right after exploring through the internet and obtaining ways that were not productive, I believed my life was gone. Existing devoid of the strategies to the problems you have sorted out through the write-up is a crucial case, and those which might have in a wrong way damaged my career if I hadn’t encountered your blog. Your personal understanding and kindness in touching everything was very useful. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t come across such a solution like this. I can also at this point look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot so much for the skilled and amazing help. I won’t think twice to refer the blog to any person who should get guidelines on this subject.
Needed to create you this little bit of remark just to thank you again with the unique suggestions you have shared on this page. This is so particularly open-handed with people like you to present openly all that a lot of folks might have sold as an ebook in making some money for their own end, precisely since you could have done it if you ever decided. The techniques likewise worked like the easy way to be certain that someone else have similar passion the same as my own to grasp good deal more around this condition. I believe there are many more pleasurable instances up front for individuals who look over your site.
I want to show appreciation to the writer for rescuing me from this particular condition. Just after browsing throughout the internet and coming across principles that were not beneficial, I thought my life was gone. Living devoid of the strategies to the issues you’ve solved by way of the short post is a critical case, as well as those which could have adversely affected my entire career if I had not come across the blog. Your talents and kindness in maneuvering all the pieces was priceless. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t come upon such a stuff like this. I can at this time look ahead to my future. Thank you so much for your specialized and results-oriented help. I won’t hesitate to recommend your blog to any person who ought to have support on this subject matter.
I simply wanted to thank you very much once again. I am not sure what I would have tried in the absence of those recommendations provided by you about such industry. It seemed to be a very alarming circumstance in my position, nevertheless considering the specialised manner you solved that made me to jump over joy. I am grateful for the information and thus expect you know what a powerful job that you’re doing educating many people all through your website. Most likely you have never come across any of us.
I wish to show appreciation to this writer just for rescuing me from this dilemma. Just after researching through the internet and meeting proposals that were not productive, I figured my life was done. Being alive without the answers to the problems you’ve fixed all through the post is a crucial case, and ones that might have in a negative way damaged my entire career if I hadn’t discovered your web blog. Your main mastery and kindness in controlling all the pieces was vital. I’m not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t come upon such a solution like this. It’s possible to now look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time so much for your impressive and sensible guide. I will not hesitate to recommend the blog to any person who should receive tips about this issue.
A lot of thanks for all your hard work on this web site. My daughter really loves conducting investigations and it’s simple to grasp why. Almost all learn all concerning the lively way you present invaluable tips and hints through this web blog and therefore attract contribution from visitors on that issue plus our own child is certainly learning a lot of things. Take advantage of the rest of the year. You are always conducting a good job.
I wanted to create you a very little remark to help thank you very much over again about the exceptional information you have discussed above. It is certainly pretty generous with you to supply unhampered all most of us could have sold as an ebook to help with making some money for their own end, notably considering that you might have tried it in case you decided. The inspiring ideas also worked like the fantastic way to be aware that someone else have a similar passion just as my personal own to know more around this problem. I’m sure there are some more pleasant instances in the future for individuals that discover your blog post.
I as well as my buddies ended up following the nice guides from your website and all of the sudden came up with an awful suspicion I never thanked the web blog owner for those strategies. My people came so excited to learn them and already have undoubtedly been making the most of those things. Many thanks for being considerably kind and for selecting certain beneficial topics millions of individuals are really needing to be aware of. Our own sincere regret for not expressing gratitude to sooner.
Needed to draft you a very small observation in order to say thanks a lot once again for your personal magnificent pointers you have contributed in this article. This is really surprisingly open-handed of you to grant unhampered what exactly a number of people would have distributed for an e-book to end up making some profit on their own, especially since you could have tried it in case you wanted. These strategies likewise served as the good way to realize that the rest have similar eagerness the same as mine to know a good deal more when considering this issue. I believe there are lots of more enjoyable periods ahead for those who look into your site.