El fin del mundo cae viernes

 El fin del mundo siempre se me antojó un poco pretencioso. Sin duda sería la gran solución para los suicidas sin coraje suficiente. Aquellos que no se animan a matarse aunque se mueren de ganas de hacerlo, encontrarían en el fin del mundo la solución a todos sus problemas. Mientras al resto, semejante acontecimiento sólo nos reportaría una satisfacción a medias, ya que si bien no tendríamos que cumplir con la hipoteca, tampoco tendríamos una vida.suicidaarrepentido.gif

Pienso en los que anoticiados con la llegada de un final inminente se inmolan sin más trámite. Es curioso, un verdadero misterio para mí el hecho de que no aguanten un ratito más y que, si era cierto, que sea lo que tenga que ser, y si era mentira, simplemente no andar matándose en vano. Especialmente en estos asuntos de “matarse” que por costumbre no suelen ofrecer segundas oportunidades.

No quiero aburrirlos con historias apócrifas de amigos que se desgraciaron cuando creyeron asistir al final de los tiempos justo antes del año 2000. Ni con cotilleos sobre un tipo que sufría por todos y daba mucho amor pero le dieron muerte torturándolo un buen rato y después resucitó aunque no para quedarse sino para irse para arriba pero vivo. Y según se sabe, era bastante morocho, sin embargo en su representación en pinturas, carteles y estampitas se lo muestra rubito rubito y con los ojos azules, o azul claro, casi celeste, un celeste nazionalsocialista. Y bajará de nuevo a la Tierra para llegar y darle dos patadas al diablo y ponerlo bien a gusto junto con todo pecador que haya dando vueltas por ahí.

Me gustaría decir, eso sí, que el fin del mundo bien entendido no aterra, ni siquiera inquieta, porque si uno piensa en ello a conciencia se percata de que nada queda por hacer a posteriori. Normalmente, lo que aturde en una real catástrofe es salir ileso y luego tener que ponerse a trabajar. Ahora, si me dicen que lo que viene es el fin del mundo, el propio fin, es decir, él mismo y no un actor o un doble o un efecto especial, pues entonces: ¡bienvenido! ¿Por qué tanto lío? ¿qué eso de asustar con terribles huracanes sino un treta para salir a vender linternas?

No sé por dónde van las mentes preclaras de hoy día ni cómo pactan con su almohada los adivinos televisivos; no sé qué habré dejado inconcluso cuando me pille el viernes definitivo; no sé tantas cosas que no veo por qué debería tener una alternativa sostenible a la posibilidad de un desastre de dimensiones inabarcables al género humano. Lo haré a revés y así como tantos asuntos filosóficos se definen por negación debido a la imposibilidad de realizar ciertas afirmaciones, definiré de manera positiva una de las limitadísimas cosas que sí sé ante el claro impedimento de describir todo lo que no sé. El fin del mundo cae viernes aunque el universo no atienda a tan caprichosas particiones del tiempo, si es que el tiempo existe. Si así no ocurre, y por ejemplo, viene a suceder un lunes, ¿quién va a reprocharme algo el martes siguiente?

Por otro lado, nada me hace sentir tan seguro como insistir en afirmaciones contundentes de aquello que definitivamente estoy cierto, y que además nadie podrá cambiar. Lo compartiré con ustedes: Me voy a comprar una tele de plasma de cuarenta y dos pulgadas para ver el mundial.

Ilustración: Andrés Soria

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