Ustedes disculparán que me vaya de tema, pero hoy toca hablar del “botellón” y no puedo evitar sentir vergüenza. Enorme vergüenza que me embriaga al pensar, aunque sea de costado, acerca de este asunto. Así que me iré un poco del tema sin prometerles que volveré. Sin duda, los que me conocen saben que volveré.
Antes de partir con rumbo a digresiones interminables sobre tonterías variadas, quiero aclarar que he escrito “botellón” entre comillas por una razón. Entre los lectores argentinos, la palabra “botellón” significa: botella grande. Y nada más que eso. Y si no me equivoco, lo mismo significa para casi todos, o todos, los países de habla hispana. Con esto no pretendo afirmar que en otros países los jóvenes ejerzan la abstinencia, ni mucho menos. Es más, creo que juventudes de todas las nacionalidades gustan y disfrutan alcoholizándose hasta sentir ganas de patear tachos de basura, pero no tienen una palabra para denominar el acto de encontrarse en una plaza portando ordinarias bolsas de supermercado cargadas de bebidas de diversa graduación alcohólica para luego beber y beber, mear ahí mismo, dejar toda la basura plástica ahí mismo, incluidos vómitos, ahí mismo.
“Ah, nos queremos divertir y tenemos derecho” argumenta uno de los elegidos para hablar con la prensa. “Uno se lo pasa bien aquí” comenta otra de las mentes preclaras asistentes al festín, que probablemente en unos años estará gobernando a nuestros nietos, o quizá, si tenemos más suerte, lo encontraremos formando parte de la población estable de algún concurridísimo centro de desintoxicación.
No me hagan caso, no era esto lo que yo quería decir. Aunque todavía no puedo entrar en tema porque me interesaba destacar algo sobre el título de estas líneas. Me preguntaba si ahora que se elude el plural masculino para no pecar de lenguaje machista, no se sigue siendo un poco machista al nombrar primero al masculino y segundo al femenino. Y me pregunto: si se lograra ir más allá, y se llegase a la costumbre de decir “niñas y niños” en lugar de “niños y niñas” ¿no sería hora de empezar una campaña para concienciar a la sociedad de que estamos discriminando a los varones?
Por cuestiones relacionadas con mi profesión tuve oportunidad de entrevistarme en la cárcel con un tipo que había rociado a su mujer con gasolina y le había prendido fuego, en presencia de los hijos de ambos. Al desgrabar el reportaje, me pareció escuchar un lapsus de ese enfermo al mencionar a sus hijos. Concretamente, podría afirmar que este hombre tuvo la delicadeza y el cuidado justo ante mí, y ante mi grabadora, de reemplazar el despreciable y racista: “mis hijos” por el correctísimo y deseado “mi hijo y mi hija” Yo entendí inmediatamente que se trababa de una persona políticamente abrazable, que adoraba las normas sociales y la armónica convivencia, que sus tesoros no eran los bienes materiales sino la igualdad, y la ilusión de legar un mundo mejor para su hija, llamándola “hija” y no abandonándola detrás de un manto plural y masculino. Todo eso entendí yo, hasta que me chocó ese entendimiento con la entrada de un guardia que me recordó que debía irme. Que debía terminar la entrevista con ese hijo de puta que puso en llamas a la que había sido “su” mujer.
Ahora lo diré. El botellón no tiene solución porque el botellón no es el problema. El problema es que los jóvenes quieren follar y no lo consiguen. Nada desean más que el acto amoroso, más carne y menos cofradías. Coger, garchar, trincar, ponerla, y simplemente eso. Pero la hermosísima ciudad de Granada es cada vez menos cultural y cada vez más pacata. Atrae lo que ofrece.
Y por eso no bastará un botellón ni diez, ni alcanzarán las multas, las charlas, o las quejas vecinales. No es suficiente ni el alcohol y por eso necesitan patear tachos de basura o indigentes. Los jóvenes deberían follar más, y en menos de lo que dura un puente, tendríamos un mundo mejor.
Ilustraciones: Martín Favelis
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