Opción A: Amenaza
Acódese en la ventanilla y, sin decir palabra y sin parpadear, fije su mirada en el funcionario durante un mínimo de cinco minutos. Cuando haya transcurrido ese lapso de tiempo, el funcionario levantará la vista del Marca, le verá a usted por primera vez, y cerrará la ventanilla para irse a desayunar.
Opción B: Seducción
Luzca su camisa más provocativa, plántese ante el funcionario con su mejor rictus de pasión desenfrenada y haga todo tipo de gestos obscenos con la lengua. Si al funcionario le late el corazón en el pecho, entrará en acción de inmediato y le ofrecerá un palillo de dientes usado para que pueda usted sacarse por fin ese jirón de espinacas de entre las paletas y no tenga que hacer tantas contorsiones de lengua.
Opción C: Lástima
Rocíese la cara con ácido sulfúrico y arrástrese hasta la ventanilla moqueando fluidos blanquecinos por su nariz descarnada. El funcionario, por severo que sea, no tendrá más remedio que apiadarse y llamar de inmediato al Servicio Local de Exterminio de Contribuyentes que Recurren al Viejo Truco del Ácido Sulfúrico para poner fin a su sufrimiento.
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