Sermón ahumado: ¡Con puntos y a lo loco!

Irreverendos todos:

Desde el 1 de julio, jugarse el pellejo en las carreteras es mucho más divertido. Desde ese día, todos los conductores hemos sido llamados a participar en una especie de macroconcurso televisivo en el que no hay ganadores, en el que nunca puedes dejas de concursar, aunque te aburras, y en el que los jueces ya no tienen forma de supertacañones sino de radar o de guardia civil. El mecanismo parece fácil: te dan unos puntos, y conforme vas metiendo la pata te los van quitando. Lo más gracioso y divertido del asunto es que, como buenos y ejemplares ciudadanos que somos, nos hemos lanzado a concursar en masa, como locos, sin esperar a nadie, sin leernos las reglas del juego, sin entrenar, sin preguntar y sin saber. Y ahí es donde nos va a dar la risa, jeje, cuando empiecen a quitarle puntos al prójimo, juajua, cuando a tu primo lo dejen con seis puntos menos por conducir de noche y sin luces cantando “soy minero”, jijiji, cuando tu vecino se quede sin carnet por saltarse diez semáforos, jajaja…La de buenos ratos que nos esperan, gracias a la DGT.

Estamos convencidos de la eficacia de este nuevo sistema. Los conductores españoles ya estaban aburridos de pagar multas, hastiados de atropellar ancianas y de imitar a Fernando Alonso por la M-30 sin que su proeza fuera conocida siquiera en la tele local. Necesitaban otro acicate para seguir infringiendo la ley con mayor eficacia, con mayor ilusión y entrega.  Muy pronto, en España conducir sin puntos será una muestra de arrojo y valor; que te quiten el carnet, un signo de distinción y hombría. Un tipo con todos sus puntos intactos en su carnet será despreciado por imberbe, por cantamañanas, por aprendiz de conductorcillo de agua dulce. Aquí eso no se lleva, eso es cosa de franceses.

Con puntitos o sin ellos, con carnet o sin él, demostraremos al mundo entero que este un país donde sabemos vivir y disfrutar la vida de otra manera. Tenemos coche, ¿no? Y lo usamos para todo, ¿no? Y corre a 300 por hora, ¿no? ¡Pues coño, a divertirse como locos conduciendo! Porque ya sabemos que lo importante no es a donde vayas, ni para qué vas, sino lo rápido que llegues, aunque sea a darte de bruces con tu propia lápida.

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