Semana de pasión y bellas letras

Como entrante de excepción para este sublime especial irreverendo dedicado a las letras, hemos querido llamar a algunas de las firmas más destacadas del panorama español contemporáneo para proponerles un reto literario a la altura de su talento: una redacción en la que nos cuenten cómo han pasado las vacaciones de semana santa.

La primera en responder ha sido Lucía Extebarría, que nos ha enviado esta foto…

… pero quince minutos después, sintiéndose desnuda con tan escueto maquillaje y temiendo lógicamente que la censurásemos por considerarla pornográfica, ha rectificado enviándonos esta otra…

… junto con su redacción:

“Mientras los reaccionarios cristofascistas paseaban a sus fetiches por las calles de Madrid, salimos del bar, frotándonos la una contra el otro, calientes como animales en celo. No pudimos esperar más y nos metimos en un portal entreabierto. En las sombras me desgarré la camisa, liberando contra su cara la inmensidad voluptuosa de mis pechos, y aferré con una mano el cilindro de carne palpitante que nacía en su entrepierna mientras contemplaba su cuerpo de gimnasio, con aquellos abdominales como una tabla de lavar. Pasamos horas de éxtasis en aquel portal, deliciosamente interminables, en una cascada de orgasmos a cuál más agónico”.

Juan Manuel de Prada también nos ha hecho llegar una fotografía para ilustrar su pieza, si bien un tanto desfasada:

Por fortuna, no ha sido preciso molestar al genio para solicitar una imagen más reciente: ha bastado un pequeño retoque digital para actualizarla.

Adjunto a la primera imagen, llegó el texto que sigue:

“Mientras los laicistas liberticidas se congregaban para escupirnos por las calles de Madrid, salimos aguantando el trono, frotándonos los unos contra los otros, calientes como hermanos bajo el manto acogedor del Padre. No pudimos esperar más y nos arrancamos a pregonar a gritos la gloria de Cristo. Entre las sombras me desgarré la camisa, liberando la inmensidad voluptuosa de mi pecho, y aferré con una mano el crucifijo que llevaba en un bolsillo cerca de la entrepierna mientras pensaba en el cuerpo martirizado de Jesús, con aquellas llagas como cráteres lunares. Pasamos horas de éxtasis llevando el trono, deliciosamente interminables, en una cascada de epifanías a cuál más agónica”.

El último en recoger el guante, para endiñárnoslo por el sitio que más duele, ha sido don Arturo Pérez Reverte, que ha exigido que nos buscásemos nosotros mismos una imagen adecuadamente épica para representar su figura:

Bajo su efigie heróica reproducimos la pieza que ha escrito para nosotros:

“Mientras los hijos de puta y los miserables se ciscaban en la historia y en la decencia, y en la más elemental vergüenza torera, yo salí a la mar, soltando las amarras con mis propias manos. Manos encallecidas. Recias. De hombre con dos cojones. No pude esperar más y me metí en la cabina. En las sombras me desgarré la camisa, porque en estos lances no vale el uyperdoneusté de los meapilas y los cantamañanas. Se va a pecho descubierto o no se va. Aferré con las dos manos, y eso que hubieran hecho falta cuatro, el cilindro de carne palpitante que nacía en mi entrepierna. Mientras, contemplaba mi cuerpo curtido en mil guerras. Guerras de verdad, en las que un mindundi y un meapilas como tú no duraría ni cinco minutos. Con abdominales como una tabla de lavar. Pasé horas de éxtasis en aquella cabina. Deliciosamente interminables. En una cascada. De orgasmos. A cuál. Más. Agónico. Y al que no le guste, a mamarla. A Parla”.

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37 Responses

  1. castorp dice:

    Realmente bueno, me pregunto si el humor bueno no se compadece de quien hace leña, precisamente porque si no, no lo sería

  2. castorp dice:

    también me pregunto si de algún modo muchos acabamos siendo personajes o intentando estar a la altura de lo que creemos ser. Realmente bueno, Alex.

  3. A. Romero dice:

    ¡Gracias! Aunque la leña la hacen ellos solos, diría yo… (Y sí, me parece que es bastante inevitable terminar aprisionado por el personaje que, a fin de cuentas, vende los libros).

  4. Carlota Lupiáñez Osorio dice:

    Ese Reverte a tope, ese español recio de toda la vida,como dios manda, sea lo que sea que eso signifique!! El de Prada cuando era humano, resultaba guapo…resulta increíble en lo que ha quedado después de su abducción por los Illuminati. Un gran documento!!!

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