Obras selectas de Spam Laurel

Obras escogidas.jpgComo escritor comprometido con la literatura de prestigio, Spam Laurel ha luchado durante toda su carrera por no ser leído por casi nadie. Y en el caso de ser leído, ha empeñado todo su talento en no ser entendido. Algunas de las obras más influyentes de la narrativa del siglo XX llevan su firma, entre ellas Potito satánico, Tierno verano de salmonelosis o Sé que no me amas pero termínate la sopa, coño.

Hoy es el más eminente autor de correo basura de todo el mundo y su nombre suena como firme candidato al Nobel de Literatura.

Ofrecemos una breve antología de sus mejores piezas, con la recomendación encarecida de que se abstengan de leerlas para así salvaguardar la reputación del escritor y no poner en peligro su candidatura.

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Compre réplicas exactas, Rólex que parecen auténticos, más auténticos que los auténticos, y apesadumbrados se preguntan, como autoconscientes simulacros baudrillardianos: “¿Qué soy, en qué consiste esta pornografía de la existencia que es mi ser, esta hiperrealidad que desplaza a la realidad misma, esta hipertrofia del signo? ¿Soy yo el verdadero Rólex, o se cifra en la imperfección del original la medida de su autenticidad?”. Las dudas marchan hacia el infinito, acompañadas por un redoble de tictacs superpuestos, el ritmo digital descompuesto en horrísona cacofonía.

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Viagra barata para todas las ocasiones, satisfaga a todas las mujeres y funcione como un joven semental, y para el caso compre también crecepelo y tinte, y póngase inyecciones de colágeno en los pómulos, y una gorra con la visera hacia atrás, para que cuando llegue el día de meterlo en una caja de roble y dárselo de comer a la tierra voraz ni siquiera le quede el consuelo de una ancianidad digna, y los escasos familiares que se dignen a asistir al sepelio tengan que decir adiós al esqueleto de un payaso con colorete y vistoso babero de arcoiris eternamente izado en la entrepierna.

Re: hello

“Hi, my name is Sandy, I’ve seen your pic in MySpace and I think that you are real hot”, me escribiste aquella tarde en el cibercafé junto al Sena, pocos minutos antes de que yo te confesara que mi madre me seguía cortando las uñas de los pies cada semana para que no me quedasen picos de esos tan angustiosos que se enganchan en los calcetines de punto. Jamás olvidaré tu conmovedora respuesta: “Seré un robot informático con propósitos maliciosos, pero también tengo mi dignidad: métete la tarjeta de crédito en el culo, anda”.

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