Sé feliz, pero no me preguntes cómo (Felicitación clásica de Navidad)

Estimados psicocamaleones, reflexionemos:

¿Qué cantante ha ganado más pasta a costa de la Navidad que Bing Crosby? Su White Christmas transmitía paz, ¿verdad? Qué tiempos, qué capacidad de convicción, qué envidia para Rouco y sus secuaces (con esa cara que tienen Sé Feliz 1.jpgde no parar de escuchar Homo Christmas de Pansy Division cada vez que pasean por las calles). El  sencillo  que contenía esa canción continúa siendo el más vendido de la historia, y su elepé Merry Christmas es uno de los habituales de cada Navidad, patente ejemplo de que las mencionadas fechas son el más esmerado resultado del arte de la repetición. Poco antes de morir recibió a un calculador David Bowie, quién se la jugó con el reto del dúo imposible, firme como estaba en su intención de convertirse en una estrella Navidades Blancas para ese mercado norteamericano que se resistía a su androginia. Tras un intercambio de frases absurdas ambos interpretan junto al piano el clásico Drummer Boy (El Tamborilero). El encuentro tuvo traslación discográfica, claro, con la foto de los dos interfectos en aquella ocasión, en forma de single, Peace on Earth.  ZZZzzzzz. Si hay que escuchar compilaciones navideñas prefiero a Elvis Presley, que para eso ya sacó un Christmas Album en 1.957, los temas navideños de Spike Jones y su orquesta o, mejor, la spectoriana recopilación A Christmas gift for you de 1.963, con las Ronettes, las Crystals o Darlene Love. O, ya lanzados, algo tan Se Feliz 2.jpginquietante y acariciador como el Christmas de Low; A christmas album de Bright Eyes; Horny Holidays!, el disco de ese gran punk de la música de raíz norteamericana llamado Mojo Nixon, publicado en 1.992 (Santa Claus go straight to the ghetto, yeahhh), o las interesantes incursiones instrumentales de los paisanos Granadians en Feliz Navidad con… , de las navidades de 2.003.

He de señalar antes de seguir que El tamborilero NO es una canción de Raphael. Años después Jesús Arias se desgañitaría haciendo su particular lectura con T.N.T., incluida en el disco navideño de Dro Navidades radioactivas, de 1.982, uno de los mitos discográficos de la movida y pasto de coleccionistas. Allí estaban también Siniestro Total, los N-634 de Kike Turmix, Derribos Arias, Mogollón, etc… En 1.994 Servando Carballar volvió a repetir la jugada con Navidades Furiosas, un muestrario de lo más señero de la escena indie de la época, con apariciones estelares de Los Planetas, Cancer Moon, y unos casi finiquitados Surfin´Bichos. Más recientemente los sellos Jabalina y Siesta, adalides del pop exquisito, disfrutan como niños con sus recopilaciones respectivas Cuentos de Navidad y Fantasía de Navidad.

Sé Feliz 3.jpgLa Navidad, ya se sabe, es la época de los tópicos agitados con delirio, de las buenas intenciones más vanas que darse puedan, del llueve sobre mojado y todos esperando que llueva, de apartarse del árbol con distante ironía y el polvorón en la boca, de prohibir el Belén a no ser que reivindique la causa Palestina o esté compuesto por moteros. El abrazo del gran esfuerzo publicitario, la torsión zambombera del sentido común, el calorcillo febril del consumo. La gente autoendulza como puede su acritud, y eso no deja de ser fantástico. ¿Un acuerdo colectivo? Un dejarse llevar resbalando por la paga extra mientras ésta lo hace entre luces, altavoces en las calles y tiempo huidizo y brilloso. Es un tiempo que concita por mor del calendario laboral y los convenios la posibilidad de contar con algo más de pasta y de ver a gente a la que cada día es más difícil ver. Si me hubiese levantado rabiosamente inconformista, escribiría que la misma sociedad que te oprime y determina tu vida afloja la presión en estas fechas para que consumas más, pero, lo cierto, es que estoy bastante constipado y comiéndome una hojaldrina.           

Manifestar gusto por ella es infantil y adocenado, y probablemente atacarla con aquello de la hipocresía, el consumo desaforado y demás resulte a estas alturas más que nada grosero por evidente; y en muchas ocasiones interesado, ya que generalmente sólo se persigue destacar ante el enemigo invisible. Como me dijo un compañero de trabajo: “aprovecha la paga extra para comprarte más discos de esos que te gustan”. Demasiados discos. Los excesos en el terreno musical son legendarios: precios desorbitados o recopilaciones engañabobos que nadie osaría poner en circulación en otra época del año, oportunismo sonrojante, empacho arreglístico en interpretativo sin recato, teatralidad y edulcoración sin medida, obviedad sin límite. Un ejemplo de esto que no nos ponga de mala leche es el proceso de traslación navideña del clásico de los Troggs Love is all around en una buena comedia, Love Actually, a cargo del gran Billy Night. Aún a riesgo de resultar repetitivo, esas interpretaciones de los músicos favoritos del momento y la forma de prestarse a cualquier tipo de invento televisivo, creo que son el punto culminante de la hipocresía de las fechas. Casi lo peor del mundo.

La industria del disco es un mamut que lleva años tambaleándose sin llegar a caer, la sangre empapa lentamente su lomo, pero su mirada no está tan perdida como pensamos. Al menos sigue manipulando sin recato la televisión pública española. Sus lanzamientos navideños nos inundan, y, al final, todos tropezando por las escaleras mecánicas.

Sé Feliz 4.jpgTodos los estilos musicales han abrazado en algún momento la cuestión navideña, y las recopilaciones e incluso los discos dedicados por un artista al tema son abrumadora legión (nunca coleccionéis discos navideños). En el apartado de “Discos Navideños Delirantes” podemos colocar A very special Christmas live de 1.998. Disco benéfico grabado en directo en ¡¡la Casa Blanca!!, que cuenta con interpretaciones de iconos de la industria de aquel momento como Bon Jovi (sí, el de las mansiones), Sheryll Crow, Run DMC, o Eric Clapton. La cosa termina con una jam de un clásico marmóreo, Santa Claus is coming to town, tema de intensa y agitada vida, paseado a lo largo de los años, entre muchos otros, por el gran Bing, Frank Sinatra en plan jazz y swing; Chris Isaak con la ex – Fleetwood Mac, Stevie Nicks, en una lectura gratamente rescatable; la irresistible de Lynyrd Skynyrd, los Beach Boys, las mágicas Crystals, el mismísimo Springsteen, una Diana Krall no excesivamente fría, y… Michael Bolton. Esto me trae a la cabeza en el apartado “Todos los artistas en el estudio ultramotivados y como si fuesen sorprendidos en una sesión de trabajo”, el vídeo de Band Aid, con las estrellitas británicas de 1.984. También estaba Paul Weller.

Vello erizado: el Feliz Navidad de Boney M. uno de los mejores play back groups del mundo e ideal para ser reivindicados en la España tan festiva que estamos viviendo. José Feliciano era tan grave… Aunque siempre podemos elegir la versión teleñeca de La Casa Azul o la de El Vez, incluida en el recomendable recopilatorio Punk Rock Xmas, junto a temas de Celibate Rifles, Dickies o los Ramones (la voz de Joey siempre consigue transmitirme un aire positivo).

El anglo Papá Noel, gana de largo como protagonista de canciones, como podemos observar, aunque los Reyes Magos están dignamente representados con gente tan insigne como La Terremoto de Alcorcón (Me han echao los reyes un ipod de 80 gigas), los aguafiestas de Astrud con Son los padres, o los Siniestro Total de Afunfún Afanfán.

Sé Feliz 5.jpgLos Planetas no podían dejar de pasar el hecho navideño por el tamiz de humor negro de sus canciones, El Espíritu de la Navidad, tiene la gracia de sonar algo navideña, además de ser una buena canción. Ay, el intangible Espíritu de la Navidad, Coldplay felicitaron tan señaladas fechas a sus fans con un vídeo humorístico en el que bailaban algunos de sus éxitos disfrazados de época (todos criticamos la Navidad y todos le guiñamos). Sufjan Stevens tiene un halo navideño en todas las cosas que hace. Por eso parecía predestinado a lanzar Songs for Christmas, caja de cinco cd´s grabados en cinco años y lanzada a finales de 2.006. A atesorar temas como Come on! Let´s boggey to the Elf Dance!. Los frenéticos y prolíficos The Beach Boys de la primera época ya grabaron su disco navideño en 1.964, Christmas Album, reeditado luego sin parar y con distintas denominaciones. En 2.005, el renacido Brian Wilson, publicó el suyo personal, What I Really Want For Christmas, tras la estela del controvertido Smile.

Ya hemos advertido que la Navidad altera las mentes (o agudiza el ingenio): los madrileños Tennessee, en un vano intento de recuperar tiempos mejores, sacaron para las de 1.993 un disco navideño (no en vano en la mejor tradición del rock and roll clásico); Billy Idol, cantante hace medio millón de años de la banda punk inglesa X-Generation, y cómodamente transplantado al mundo de las FM estadounidenses hace lustros, toma gozoso el relevo de crooner navideño empalagoso con el añadido de cirugía plástica en la swingueante Jingle Bell Rock. Algo más sano sin duda que las debilidades de Kid Rock, otra FM norteamericana andante, que actuó para los soldados destacados en Irak en las navidades de 2.006.

Sé Feliz 6.jpgA pesar de todo podéis vengaros con los cascos puestos. Para furibundos desertores de estas fiestas se recomiendan reflexiones como la de Silvio Rodríguez en Canción de Navidad, o directamente temas como el de Estado Crítico incluido en aquel recopilatorio de la primera eclosión Hip-Hop española de finales de los ochenta, Navidad Hip-Hop (amenazadores con Dónde estás Navidad, ven aquí si te atreves… ) o el single navideño de MCD para Basati Diskak. Pero nada mejor que cosas como Feliz Falsedad de Soziedad Alkoholika y el Villancico de Ska-P, o la eterna obviedad de los raca-raca llena caja de siempre. En el apartado “versiones a patada limpia de villancicos para cagarme en la Navidad” destaca sobremanera el Noche de Paz de Extremoduro. Robe, burro como él solo pero dejando siempre algún verso memorable.

En la línea crítica, pone el vello de punta la portada del single del grupo punk AHV, En Navidad también comemos. Un golpe seco de todas todas. Sin más complicaciones, y para ese CD secreto de temas de Navidad que sólo escucharás cuando estés a solas en el coche, los Airbag nos regalaron en su momento Buscando los regalos de Navidad, puro Spector vs Los Ramones. El Merry Christmas Everybody de Slade está bastante potable con ese riff tan glam ya a la altura de 1.980. Atesorable como la revisión de All I want for Christmas de Lois Casino, The Christmas Song de The Raveonettes o It´s Christmas time de Yo La Tengo. Siempre Tom Waits, tanto en su recreación de Silent night como en la de Christmas card for a hooker in Minneapolis. Eels con Christmas is going to the dogs, o el nunca bien ponderado Ex Poch Pinza y su Navidad en el almacén. En Don’t belive in Xmas los garrulos The Sonics cantan a Santa Claus al son del Have love will travel, y unos The Trashmen menos salvajes y más modositos que de costumbre bailan con él en Dancin´with Santa. Y no puedes olvidarte de The Pogues y Fairytale of New York, nº 2 en listas con el dueto entre McGowan y Kristy McColl en pleno ambiente navideño.

Sé Feliz 7.jpgLos Beatles tuvieron su peculiar relación con la Navidad, regalando cada año a los miembros de su club de fans flexi-discos conmemorativos, siempre irónicos y algo excéntricos; auténticos tesoros para coleccionistas. La cosa se inició con el de 1.963 con saludos de cada miembro y breves versiones, como la del clásico Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer. En 1.964 con Another Beatles Christmas Records, ofrecieron junto a los ya habituales saludos una versión de Jingle Bells. Al año siguiente, fieles a su cita, publicaron The Beatles Third Christmas record, junto a parodias de temas como Yesterday se encuentra una versión de Happy Christmas to ya list´nas. Para las de 1.966 apareció The Beatles fourth christmas record (Pantomime: everywhere it´s Christmas). Más conocido posteriormente por el subtítulo y formado por breves composiciones originales a modo de número cómico. Al año siguiente la jugada se repite con The Beatles Fifth Christmas record (Christmas time is here again), conteniendo el tema que da nombre al subtítulo, ya más conocido. En 1.970 finalmente, todo este material fue recopilado y editado en formato elepé con el nombre de The Beatles Christmas Album en su versión norteamericana, denominación que sería al cabo la más conocida. Años más tarde, ya con el grupo separado, John Lennon grabaría la celebérrima Happy Xmas (The war is over), single de Navidad lanzado a continuación de Imagine, su exitoso elepé de 1.971.

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34 Responses

  1. A. Romero dice:

    Sublime, maestro.

    Añado a la nómina a Def Con Dos, sorprendentemente menos sutiles que Astrud cuando cantaban:

    “Los reyes son los padres pero están arruinados
    Les has quitado la pasta para comprarte el jaco
    Y los camellos vienen del oriente lejano”

  2. Lola dice:

    Añado las versiones de “el tamborilero” y “noche de paz” de Prin La Lá.
    Es casi lo único que esta navidad me ha acercado a aquellas navidades.

  3. Antoño dice:

    ME APUNTO A LO DE LOLA.

    (Qué no lo he leído. ¿Cuántas letras? y ‘shiriquitininas’).

  4. Enrique Boney M. dice:

    ¡Homérico, titánico y fantástico! ¡Feliz reencuentro irreverendo, maestro!

  5. 18/ dice:

    Sabía que citar a Boney M. provocaría alguna lágrima de emoción (hay toda una generación oculta en España tocada por aquellas melodías, aquellos giros, aquel colorido afro inesperado de los sábados noche). A César no lo mencioné por no enturbiar la concienzuda preparación de su candidatura a Presidente del Gobierno :) . Se agradece el dato sobre Prin La Lá, y suscribo la opinión de Lola.

  6. A. Romero dice:

    ¡Anda! ¿Han reflotado el partido de Ruiz Mateos?

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