Durante la reciente visita papal, muchos de ustedes habrán pensado: ¡Qué bien se lo monta este Benedicto! ¡Eso son viajes, y no los del Inserso! ¡Menudo chollo ha pillao con eso de ser Papa!
¡Arrepiéntanse, blasfemos! Llegar a Papa no es nada fácil, como prueba el impresionante documento descubierto por los investigadores de Irreverendos.
Tras la muerte de Juan Pablo II, la Iglesia, preocupada por una posible caída de su popularidad, contrató a profesionales de Hollywood para organizar el casting del nuevo Papa. Irreverendos les ofrece en exclusiva el dossier con los candidatos que más cerca estuvieron de conseguir el papel, con las anotaciones de pros y contras escritas por el cónclave vaticano, y una estampita de prueba para cada candidato.
Papa Gibson
pros:
- Creyente confeso
- Ha usado su posición para difundir las escrituras
- La barba le da un aspecto adecuadamente mesiánico
contras:
- Demasiado truculento
Papa Cruise
pros:
- Ama la vida y ama el amor
- Tiene el don de sanar a los enfermos
- Es HETEROSEXUAL
contras:
- Primero habría que desprogramarlo de la Cienciología
Papa Clooney
pros:
- Él y Dios van al mismo sastre
- Él y Dios conducen el mismo coche
- Lo más parecido a Dios sobre la tierra
contras:
- Tanta perfección resulta blasfema
Papa Bush
pros:
- Cita a Dios en una de cada dos frases
- Lucha contra el Imperio del Mal
contras:
- Lucha con excesivo entusiasmo
- Todavía no ha terminado Mi primer catecismo (dice que tiene muchas letras y pocos dibujos)
Papermán
pros:
- Su padre lo envió desde el cielo para salvarnos
- Viajes pastorales rápidos y económicos
contras:
- Sospechosa afición a los atuendos coloristas y ajustados
- Posible homer-sexual
Papácula
pros:
- Porte aristocrático y mirada magnética
- Procede de una familia de rancio abolengo
- Luchó contra los sarracenos
contras:
- Alérgico a las cruces
- Tiene la fea costumbre de relamerse cuando dice eso de: Esta es la sangre de Cristo…
Y en nuestra próxima entrega: ¡RECONTRAEXCLUSIVA! ¡Los candidatos españoles a Papa!
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