Hermanos, compañeros, cuñados por parte de nuera, camaradas todos:
Hace ya cuarenta años que combatimos codo con codo por la libertad en las calles de aquel París en llamas. ¿Lo recordáis? Yo os vi a vosotros, y vosotros me visteis a mí. Que sí, hombre, si también nos vimos luchando infatigablemente contra el franquismo… Eso es, ya os empieza a venir a la memoria, ¿verdad?
Pues bien, hermanos, compañeros, primos en el sentido de memos, camaradas todos:
Es preciso que volvamos a echarnos a las calles. En mayo del 68 hicimos mucho por la igualdad, la libertad y la fraternidad, pero aún queda por enmendar la más grave de las injusticias: a mí personalmente aún no me han nombrado ministro de nada. Ni siquiera subsecretario de la oficina del registro del archivo de la delegación de la consejería de la diputación de administraciones acrósticas. Es que ni un miserable enchufe en unas oposiciones a lamedor de sellos autoadhesivos.
Y eso, hermanos, compañeros, hijos de vuestra purísima madre, camaradas todos, es una indignidad que no se puede ni se debe tolerar. Y si se puede, no se debe. Y si se debe, yo es que no llevo suelto, paga tú esta ronda y después busco un cajero, kolega.
¡Queda inaugurada la revolución irreverenda! Guerrearemos sin respiro por la más noble de las causas, la del humor. Sólo os pido una merced: dejad a un lado el individualismo burgués y sacrificaos por el bien de la humanidad, haced bulto para que las autoridades vean cuánto poder de convocatoria tiene mi excelso nombre.
Y no temáis. Os sabré recompensar con un autógrafo*.
* De tampón, ojo, estampado por mi secretaria con su más cariñosa mueca de aburrimiento. Me encantaría firmarlo personalmente, pero mi agenda…
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