Los grandes enigmas de la Historia del Arte…¡desvelados!

Que las pirámides egipcias las construyeron los extraterrestres o que El Bosco organizaba exorcismos con sus amigachos y pintaba sus cuadros con ectoplasma… ¡eso, a estas alturas, está más claro que el agua! ¡Por no hablar de Da Vinci y sus códigos, claro! Pero vamos a sorprender al mundo entero con tres nuevos hallazgos que sin duda conmocionarán los cimientos mismos de la Historia de la Pintura. Porque el Arte no es como nos lo han contado. Irreverendos os desvela las terroríficas manipulaciones sufridas por tres obras maestras de la pintura universal…tres mutilaciones con el que el arte oficial ha querido sepultar por siglos los terribles secretos que se esconden tras los pinceles de estos verdaderos iluminados, de estos seres altrasensibles, alertados y adelantados a su tiempo…descubrimos ahora para toda la Humanidad los desesperados mensajes escondidos en sus lienzos.

1. Jan Van Eyck y los Arnolfini

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Van Sieteck, discípulo de Van Eyck, fue el encargado de repintar el burdo espejito que sustituyó el verdadero trozo de lienzo original que ahora hemos descubierto. Pero ¿qué pavoroso mensaje quiso lanzarnos Van Eyck a las generaciones venideras? ¿Era algo tan terrible que mereció ser escondido para siempre a los ojos del mundo?

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Sí. Era tan terrible. Fue el mismísimo Coto Matamoros el que se le apareció al pintor flamenco en una pirueta espacio temporal sin precedentes.

¿Quiso Van Eyck alertarnos de la llegada de la telebasura y sus abominables consecuencias? Ahora bien…¿fue Coto, o fue su hermano Kiko el que se le apareció?

2. Velázquez y sus Meninas

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¡Por fin sabemos qué puñetas quiso pintar Velázquez con este cuadro, cuál era su verdadero objetivo! ¡Ríanse ustedes de todas las interpretaciones con las que se han llenado miles y miles de páginas! Observen el misterioso cuadrito del fondo…¡He aquí la verdad que el pintor sevillano quiso señalarnos!

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¡SIIII!! ¡¡ESPAÑA ESTABA REGENTADA POR UN MATRIMONIO DE MARCIANOS!!

3. Picasso y el Guernica

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Y, claro, no podía faltar el visionario de los visionarios, el pintor más adelantado a su tiempo de todos: el genial Picasso. ¡Descubrimos el verdadero cuadro del desastre de Guernica, tal y como lo concibió Picasso antes de ser manipulados por seres superiores que quisieron borrar las huellas del estremecedor testimonio picassiano!

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Así nos lo han enseñado…

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¡¡Y así lo pintó Picasso!
¡Sí, señores! ¡El bombardeo de Guernica fue cosa de una nave espacial, un pavorosos ensayo de invasión extraterrestre, y Picasso quiso que el mundo entero lo supiera!

¡Ahora podemos entender el verdadero sentido de la pintura cubista! ¡Picasso no es que pintara raro: es que tenía poderes extrasensoriales y pintaba los marcianos que veía por la calle!

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