¡Nuevo escándalo en la entrega de los Premios Hormiga!

Un año más, la entrega de los Premios Hormiga acabó como empezó: MAL. Dispuestos a revolcar por los suelos el prestigio de estos Premios, los Irreverendos responsables de la ceremonia actuaron con total deshinibición e impudicia, dejando claro al público presente que aquello era cualquier cosa menos una ceremonia seria y respetable, como unos premios de tal enjundia sin duda merecen.

Como no podía ser menos, la improvisación y el caos se extendió por la sala, provocando el desconcierto más absoluto entre un público atónito que, no sin cierto bochorno y espanto, asistía a una cascada de ridículos premios que se convirtió en un recital de despropósitos: premios amañados, inexistentes, repetidos, duplicados o, simplemente, impresentables.

Sin embargo, el buen hacer, el decoro y la mesura demostrada por la insigne autoridad política que tuvo a bien presidir la entrega de los premios, el Señor Don Ceclio Acosta Rodríguez -futuro Consejero de Cultura In Pectore, según todos los mentideros políticos de  la ciudad- consiguieron conciliar los ánimos del público que, finalmente, se entregó con deleite a los vaivenes de la ceremonia, y acogió con agrado y cerradas ovaciones a los premiados en las diferentes categorías.

En esta breve y apresurada crónica, que esperamos completar próximamente con algún registro gráfico, sonoro o multimedia de esos que tanto gustan entre los asiduos a internet, reseñamos únicamente las categorías de los Premios Hormiga 2011, otorgados por escrupuloso y chapucero sorteo  (los premiados no tenemos ni puta idea de quienes fueron, si se nos permite la expresión, pues fueron tantos que vaya usted a saber…):

  • 1. Premio Abuelo Cebolleta al dibujante que más se arrima en los bailes
  • 2. Premio AC/DC al dibujante al que es mejor seguirle la corriente
  • 3. Premio al dibujante desconocido al dibujante que nunca ha pasado una noche currando como un negro para entregar a tiempo
  • 4. Premio Alcoyano al dibujante que no tiene moral y es difícil de engañar
  • 5. Premio Alex Raymond al dibujante que en vez de alumbrarse con un flexo se alumbra con Flash 11.Premio Berni Wrightson al dibujante que, aunque mantiene con su pareja una relación algo turbia y oscura, está lleno de detalles
  • 6. Premio Altamiro de la cueva al dibujante que todavía no se ha enterado de lo que es un scaner
  • 7. Premio Anacleto al dibujante tan secreto, tan secreto, que no ha cogido un lápiz en su vida
  • 8. Premio Antorcha Humana al dibujante que, aunque no fuma, siempre lleva un mechero para darle fuego a bellas señoritas
  • 9. Premio Asterix al dibujante más xenófobo, ¡están locos estos rumanos!
  • 10. Premio Barbarella al dibujante que se afeita a punta de plumilla
  • 12.Premio Blueberry al dibujante osea más pijo
  • 13.Premio Bob Esponja al dibujante con la páginas más guarras
  • 14. Premio Bola de Dragón al dibujante que siempre tiene un güevo más caliente que otro
  • 15. Premio Botones Sacarino al dibujante que dibuja sobre azucarillos y luego los deja en el bar para cuando sea famoso
  • 16. Premio Cervezas Alhambra al dibujante que siempre que sale de cañas acaba durmiendo la mona en el Generalife
  • 17. Premio Corto Maltés al dibujante al que se le quedó corto el traje de marinerito de la Primera Comunión
  • 18. Premio Don Pío al dibujante con más pájaros en la cabeza
  • 19. Premio Doña Urraca al dibujante que cría cuervos
  • 20. Premio Dúo Sacapuntas al dibujante que también afila el lápiz óptico, por si acaso.
  • 21. Premio Eding al dibujante que no es dibujante, sino rotulador
  • 22. Premio El bueno de Cuttlas al dibujante al que no puedes romperle los esquemas
  • 23. Premio El jueves al dibujante que sólo sale los miércoles
  • 24. Premio Garganta Profunda al dibujante que traga con todo lo que le echen
  • 25. Premio Gastón Lagaffe al dibujante que iba a dibujar al malo de la Bella y la Bestia pero cuando iba de camino al estudio descarriló el tren
  • 26. Premio Gordito Relleno al dibujante que solo dibuja historietas mudas porque se come los bocadillos
  • 27. Premio Harpo Marx al dibujante que las mata callando
  • 28. Premio Hazañas Bélicas al dibujante español que nunca ha visto una película española que hable de la guerra civil
  • 29. Premio Hernández y Fernández al dibujante que tiene un hermano que se llama Fernández y Hernández
  • 30. Premio Hombre de Hielo al dibujante que nunca llora viendo el final de Heidi
  • 31.Premio Hombre de Hierro al dibujante que no solo se gana las lentejas dibujando sino que, encima, se las come
  • 32. Premio Hombre Invisible al dibujante que no está presente para recoger su Premio Hormiga
  • 33. Premio Houdini al dibujante que se ahoga en un vaso de agua
  • 34. Premio Increíble Hulk al dibujante al que siempre pillan con las manos en la masa
  • 36. Premio La española cuando besa al dibujante que, cuando dibuja, dibuja de verdad
  • 37. Premio Lady Gaga al dibujante que el día que se queda sin papel dibuja sobre un filete de ternera
  • 38. Premio Lawrence Olivier al dibujante que no se encorva sobre el tablero sino que mantiene la espalda recta como un gentleman inglés para no tener problemas de cervicales
  • 39. Premio Lobezno al dibujante con los colmillos más retorcidos
  • 40. Premio Lucky Luke al dibujante cuya malafollá es más rápida que su mala sombra
  • 41. Premio Maki-Navaja al dibujante que se comió el último chorizo
  • 35. Premio James Bond al dibujante que gana 007 euros por página
  • 42. Premio Marco Polo al dibujante que viajó hasta Pekín con la única intención de comprar un bote de tinta china en condiciones
  • 43. Premio María Ostiz al dibujante al que más ostias le dieron después de dibujar la historia de su pueblo en comic
  • 44. Premio Mercadona al dibujante que pensaba que dedicándose a los tebeos acabaría siendo un Hacendado.
  • 45. Premio Moebius al dibujante que hace más rayitas, aunque luego ni las pruebe
  • 46. Premio No me pises que llevo chanclas al dibujante que solo dibuja en agosto
  • 47. Premio Onomatopeyo al dibujante que se pasa el día imitando las onomatopeyas de Peyo
  • 48. Premio Otomo al dibujante que o lo toma o lo deja (el Premio Hormiga)
  • 49. Premio Pepe Gotera al dibujante que colma el vaso
  • 50. Premio Pitagorín al dibujante tan listo, tan listo, que dejó de ser dibujante y se dedicó a otra cosa
  • 51. Premio Pitufina al dibujante que la tiene más fina (la plumilla)
  • 52. Premio Pitufo al dibujante que se cayó de pequeño en una marmita de Viagra
  • 53. Premio Pumby al dibujante que deja escapar pequeñas flatulencias
  • 54. Premio Restaurante Chino al dibujante con mejor rollito
  • 55. Premio Rolling Stones al dibujante con la lengua más larga
  • 56. Premio Rompetechos al dibujante que se comió la tableta gráfica pensando que era una tableta de turrón
  • 57. Premio Art Spiegelman al dibujante que, cuando un niño le pidió un ratón Mickey, le dibujó una escena de Maus en el campo de concentración
  • 58. Premio Te lo juro por Snoopy al dibujante más prometedor
  • 59. Premio Tintin, ¿quien será? al dibujante al que llaman siempre al timbre en pleno proceso creativo
  • 60. Premio Torpedo al dibujante más explotado
  • 61. Premio Zombie mutante reencarnado en muñeca esquizoide y sin cabeza con superpoderes metacarpianos y rayos laser en las uñas, esto es un éxito de que te vas cagando al dibujante que habla mucho y pinta poco.
  • 62. Premio Don Berrinche al dibujante que siempre estaba indignado antes de que existieran los indignados
  • 63. Premio Sastrecillo Valiente al dibujante que no teme a los recortes
  • 64. Premio Hermanas Gilda al dibujante que recibe las ostias a pares
  • 65. Premio Pulgarcito al dibujante que cuando se hizo el DNI y le tomaron las huellas dactilares no se limpió la mano para aprovechar la tinta
  • 66. Premio Superlópez al dibujante que dibujó una aventura de Superman en Pulianas
  • 67. Premio Tío Vázquez al dibujante que en cuanto le demos el Premio Hormiga va a intentar vendérselo a alguien
  • 68. Premio Línea clara al dibujante que deja de comerse el huevo en cuanto se le acaba la yema
  • 69. Premio Inspector Dan al dibujante que inspecciona atentamente tus tebeos a ver si tienes uno repetido y se lo das
  • 70. Premio Novela Gráfica al dibujante que para leerse El Quijote tuvo que dibujar una viñeta alrededor de cada palabra

El GRAN PREMIO HORMIGA DE HONOR 2011, por su apoyo logístico y su incondicional amor a los tebeos, fue para nuestro librero favorito, Paco el de Subterránea, que por inclemencias varias ajenas a nuestra voluntad no pudo estar presente para recogerlo.

En definitiva, un año más, un verdadero desastre que acabó en gran regocijo y alborozo popular.

ACTUALIZACIÓN: El intrépido reportero Rubén Garrido recoge en este video tan desastrosa velada…

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