1. MIRE EL LADO POSITIVODe acuerdo, el mundo se acaba, pero eso también tiene sus ventajas. Los caballeros de la fotografía, sin ir más lejos, se felicitan porque el asteroide impactará contra su pueblo esta tarde a las 7 y por tanto no tendrán que salir por la noche a sacar la basura.
2. NO LE DÉ DEMASIADA IMPORTANCIANo pierda la compostura: no es más que un Apocalipsis. Cuando note que se aproxima, gire despreocupadamente la cabeza y dedíquele una mirada autosuficiente, de medio lado. Si se da cuenta de que le están esperando se le pueden subir los humos más de lo recomendable.
3. NO LA PAGUE CON SU CUÑADOSi hay una costumbre de mal tono que haga de los Apocalipsis acontecimientos vulgares y sin distinción es la de aprovechar para saldar pequeñas rencillas con gente que nos cae gorda. Por supuesto, su cuñado es un inútil perdonavidas y además cobra más que usted y su suegra lo adora, pero tampoco tiene culpa de que el mundo se acabe. No le pegue, hombre.
4. LÁVESE LA CARALas normas de etiqueta más elementales también se aplican al fin del mundo. Usted puede ser un satanista desquiciado y lucir un tricornio místico si le apetece, pero las legañas resecas nunca han formado parte del uniforme de adorador del diablo. Además, así verá mejor a su Amo, la Bestia del Apocalipsis, cuando venga a por usted y lo tire al averno de una patada en el culo el primero de todos.
5. ORGANICE UNA ORGÍAEso sí, organícela con tiempo. La gente espera al último minuto para despedirse de la vida con una última apoteosis de sexo desenfrenado y se tienen que apañar con lo primero que encuentran a mano, que en general lleva jersey de rombos, bigote grasiento y se llama Federico. Sátiro previsor vale por dos.
6. VISTA CÓMODO PERO PULCROCualquier establecimiento de confianza le puede proporcionar un atuendo adecuado para la ocasión, teniendo en cuenta la eventual supervivencia en un mundo postapocalíptico. Piense que probablemente tendrá que bregar con mutantes y criaturas radioactivas. Esto, obviamente, si es usted varón. Las damas, como cualquier film de ciencia ficción medianamente serio puede confirmar, deben cuidar fundamentalmente el escote. Señorita, no desdeñe la posibilidad de entrar en quirófano si observa que no cumple las medidas mínimas para sobrevivir a una hecatombe nuclear.
7. RECIBA EL APOCALIPSIS CON LOS BRAZOS ABIERTOS
Sea un buen cicerone y haga que se sienta como en casa. Enséñele su colección de obras de arte, los mejores vinos de su bodega y su álbum de cromos del Naranjito. Realmente, la mayoría de nosotros no lo hemos invitado pero si es usted uno de los que sí lo han hecho, ya sabe, respaldando guerras innecesarias y otras travesuras, qué menos que mostrar un mínimo de cortesía con el susodicho invitado. Lo laborista no quita lo valiente.
hawhawhaw! Por fin, alguien que ordena mis pensamientos y deja claro lo que hay que hacer!
No está mal, no está mal… una guía muy práctica. Me la guardo.
La número tres es sin duda la que hay que tener en cuenta.
Tenía informes fidelignos de que el fin del mundo caería en martes y harían puente. Sólo nos queda esperar pertrechados con zapatillas de andar por casa a la llegada del irremediable apocalipsis. Le pondré leche y galletas, como a los reyes magos.
Una página la suya realmente escalofriante. Sientánse libres de visitar mi humilde blog de actualidad rocambolesca http://sotano71.blogspot.com/, para mantenerse informados, por lo menos hasta el final.
Dos saludos.
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