Fin del mundo, fin de curso

El fin del mundo goza de una fama muy superior a otros fines del reino de los fines y los finales, como el fin de curso, el fin de semana, el final del verano (llegó, y tú partirás), el fin de trayecto, el final de la inocencia o el final de la cuenta atrás. Cuando se termine el mundo, como todo el mundo sabe, habrá un juicio, un superjuicio más grande que los de Nuremberg, un juicio digno del juez Garzón, un juicio más famoso que el de Michael Jackson: el Juicio Final. Dios concede mucha importancia a la Justicia, es su ministerio más importante, por eso va a terminar la Historia con un juicio y no, por ejemplo, con una ceremonia de clausura como los Juegos Olímpicos.
La gente anda muy preocupada por este asunto porque ahí parece que seremos juzgados todos pero yo creo que será un juicio rápido: habrá una absolución general. El Juicio Final debe ser como una evaluación ordinaria de la enseñanza secundaria española.
Veamos, en primer lugar estarán los buenos. De esos ni hablamos, van al cielo del tirón, no merecen ni un minuto de nuestro tiempo ¿qué se puede decir de los buenos? Pues eso, que son buenos y bendito sea Dios, el Juez. Los buenos pasan desapercibidos, no hablan, no lían follón, a veces no sabemos ni su nombre porque nunca hay que llamarles la atención. Se limitan a cumplir con su obligación, eso es lo normal y la normalidad no da la fama.

Luego están los medio buenos, más buenos que malos. Hay que hablar de ellos por su lado malo, claro, porque si fuera por el lado bueno irían al cielo de cabeza y estaríamos en el párrafo anterior. De acuerdo, tienen un lado oscuro, como la luna, pero ¿no podemos darles otra oportunidad? ¿No podemos dejar que el lado bueno derrote al malo? ¿Quién no ha tenido una debilidad en esta vida? Además, ya no hay otra oportunidad, este juicio no tendrá recurso, no hay un tribunal de apelación. ¿Acaso nuestra condena no destruiría al lado bueno? ¿Es que sólo sabemos poner obstáculos? ¿No sería mejor olvidar el pasado y pensar en la eternidad del futuro? Simplemente, no supimos motivarlos para desarrollar más el lado bueno. Así que la culpa es del tribunal. Aprobados, digo absueltos.

Luego están los medio malos, más malos que buenos. Requieren un poco más de tiempo, a estos sí los conocemos por sus nombres, nos sabemos toda su historia, conocemos a su padre y a su madre, y a veces a sus primos. Pensemos, son malos, pero no del todo ¿es que no hemos visto, en el fondo de su corazón, esa pequeña porción de bondad, como la florecilla que crece en el estiércol? Y el estiércol que dio una flor ¿no podría dar un jardín o es que la flor es subnormal? Si el estiércol dio una flor, si el alumno aprobó una maría, centrémonos en ella, cuidemos la flor, reguémosla, podría crecer, sólo necesita agua, amor, comprensión, si mandamos el estiércol al infierno la flor perecerá. ¿Y sólo tienen derecho a la vida las flores que están en ramos frondosos, las flores masificadas, al borde de la alienación? Una flor es una flor, en el ramo o en el estiércol. ¿Hace falta que siga? ¡Al cielo pues!

Bueno, ya hemos llegado a ellos, los malos, muy malos, más malos que la quina y que el copón, aquí ni florecillas ni hostias. Puro estiércol. El día del Juicio Final pasará lo mismo que en las evaluaciones finales del 4º de E.S.O.: estaremos todo el tiempo hablando de los malos. Los malos tendrán mucho más que quince minutos de fama, los malos monopolizarán el juicio. Es como en los telediarios, sólo hay noticias sobre los malos: un hombre mata a otro a bombonazos y sale en el telediario, otro cumple con su trabajo y su familia y no sabemos nada de él. Aquí para hacerse famoso con la bondad hay que ser un santo mientras que a los malos les bastan un par de bombonazos de nada para que hasta salga un psicólogo hablando de ellos. Los malos, por definición, son muy poquitos, por eso son noticia, si fueran la mayoría entonces los buenos serían los malos, no sé si me entendéis. Es como lo de Irak, todos los días hay un montón de bombas y mogollón de muertos, por eso en los telediarios de Irak la noticia es que un tío ha ido al trabajo, ha jugado con sus hijos y luego regó las macetas.

Como dijo el capitán Willard en Apocalypse Now, no se puede acusar a nadie de exceso de velocidad en la carrera de Indianápolis, por eso no hay maldad si la mayoría de la gente es mala. Así pues, los malos están en franca minoría. Y digo yo ¿no es cierto que donde comen dos comen tres? Y donde comen cuarenta alumnos ¿no pueden comer cuarenta y dos? La proporción es mayor. Veamos también el siguiente argumento, un sutil mecanismo psicológico que recorre las mentes de los profesores en estos días calurosos. Si hacemos repetir a los malos volveremos a estar con ellos el año que viene y si el año que viene, después de todo, los vamos a aprobar ¿qué más da que los aprobemos ahora? Bien, también cabe la posibilidad de que si suspenden se vayan a la calle, con lo cual el dilema es ¿prefieres que te den el bombonazo en la clase o en la calle?

El día del Juicio Final pasará algo parecido, pura desidia, aburrimiento: ¿para qué vamos a mandar al infierno a cuatro gatos, para estar toda la eternidad oyéndolos quejarse, mantener un infierno entero, con lo que eso cuesta, sólo para cuatro desgraciados? Si los mandamos al cielo puede que hasta se vuelvan buenos de lo contentos que van a ponerse, la alegría de lo que no se espera, como cuando te toca el gordo. Y bien, así será todo, todos al cielo, como en la E.S.O., como en la selectividad. Así se cumplirá la idea escolástica de que Dios es infinitamente bueno, tan bueno, tan bueno, que a veces parece tonto.

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